I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

I'm reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it.

My friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I'm friends with a tree, we're very branches.

I used to be a shoe salesman, until they gave me the boot.

I went to buy some camo pants, but couldn't find any.

I'm friends with a clock, we really go back in time.

I don't go to the gym because I feel the burn just by looking at it.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I'm friends with a calendar, we have dates all the time.

Why did the bicycle break up with the motorcycle? They were on different paths.

What did the hat say to the scarf? You really tie this outfit together.

Why did the math problem break up with the calculator? It felt like he was always being multiplied.

What did the camera say to the photo album? I see you like no one else does.

Why did the baker break up with the candlestick maker? They couldn't handle the heat of the relationship.

What did the pencil say to the eraser? You make my mistakes disappear.

Why did the chef break up with the spice rack? He couldn't handle the cayenne heat of the relationship.

What did the flower say to the grass? I really dig you.

Why did the smartphone break up with the smartwatch? It couldn't handle the constant notifications.

What did the train say to the tunnel? Quit running away from our relationship.

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine...and made a raisinable attempt to move on.

What did the sidewalk say to the pothole? You really cramp my style.