I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

I'm reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it.

My friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I'm friends with a tree, we're very branches.

I used to be a shoe salesman, until they gave me the boot.

I went to buy some camo pants, but couldn't find any.

I'm friends with a clock, we really go back in time.

I don't go to the gym because I feel the burn just by looking at it.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I'm friends with a calendar, we have dates all the time.

Did you hear about the math teacher who was in a relationship? He found someone who was good at division and decided to multiply their love.

How does a toothbrush greet people? With a big plaque on its face!

Why did the germ go to the gym? To work on its fitness!

Why don't punchlines ever get along? They always take things too literally!

Why did the candle stop melting? It couldn't handle the heat!

How did the frog die? It croaked!

Why do bananas sleep at night? They find it very a-peel-ing!

Why did the snowman go to the doctor? He had a meltdown!

What do you call a paper airplane that doesn't fly? Stationary!

Why was the belt the best employee? It always kept things together!

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Don't be a bloomin' idiot!

Why was the hairbrush running late? It got caught up in traffic!