I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

I'm reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it.

My friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I'm friends with a tree, we're very branches.

I used to be a shoe salesman, until they gave me the boot.

I went to buy some camo pants, but couldn't find any.

I'm friends with a clock, we really go back in time.

I don't go to the gym because I feel the burn just by looking at it.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I'm friends with a calendar, we have dates all the time.

Why did the bear bring a ladder to the party? Because it heard the drinks were on the house!

How did the cow feel at the rodeo? Mooooved!

What does a dog get when it finishes obedience school? A collie-ge degree!

What do you call a bird that lives underground? A mynah bird!

What do you call a whale who loves to workout? A strong-krill!

Why did the turtle cross the road? To prove it had a shell-phone!

Why did the horse sit at the computer? It wanted to browse the hay-ternet!

What do you say to the chicken who crossed the road too many times? You have fowl intentions!

What do you call an owl with a sore throat? A bird who doesn't give a hoot!

Why did the zebra go to school? It wanted to learn its stripes!

What do you call a duck that loves math? A quack-tician!

Why did the giraffe go on a diet? It wanted to stick its neck out!