I asked the Lord for a sign, and he told me to yield.

Why do angels make the best comedians? They always slay the audience.

I saw a nun walking a dog today and thought, 'That's a clear case of sister walking a mister.'

What do you call a group of singing whales at church? A praise pod.

Why did the burglar break into the church? He heard they had some heavenly treasures.

I told my wife she should pray for patience. She said, 'I can't. I'm too busy waiting.'

I told my therapist I have a fear of the devil. He said, 'Oh, really? Well, you're in good hands.'

The Bible says to love your neighbor. But let's face it, my neighbor's annoying.

I went to a new church that didn't allow any noise during the service. It was a sound investment.

I donated all my organs to the church. Now I'm a religious body.

I finally found a church that serves cocktails during the service. It's a spirits-filled congregation.

I saw a sign outside a church that said, 'Honk if you love Jesus.' So, I honked. Then, I texted my lawyer.

I tried to surprise my priest by jumping out at him. But I completely lost my faith when he said, 'I saw you coming.'

I asked the priest if he could help me with my gambling addiction. He said, 'I can't make any promises.'

Why do monks meditate with their eyes closed? Because it's hard to focus when you're looking at heaven.

What do you get when you mix a nun and a pilot? A heavenly flight attendant.

Why did the bishop go to the bookstore? He was looking for some 'holy' scriptures.

What do you call a religious horse? A stable believer.

Why did the priest go to the comedy show? He needed a little 'divine' laughter.

What do you call a religious cow? A sacred moo-er.

Why did the priest go to the comedy club? He wanted to 'preach' some laughter.