I'm so uncool, even my mom unfollowed me on social media.

I'm so accident-prone, I consider walking on flat ground extreme sports.

I'm so out of shape, my Fitbit sends me get well soon cards.

I'm so bad at baking, I once burnt water.

I tried to take a selfie and my front camera cracked.

I signed up for a marathon, but the only running I do is out of excuses.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once got lost in my own house.

I went to a party and my dance moves were the highlight... of what not to do.

My plants are all fake because I can't even keep a cactus alive.

I went to a party wearing the same outfit as someone else. They looked great, I looked like their before picture.

I decided to try meditation to reduce stress. Now I'm stressed about being bad at meditating.

I thought about joining a gym, but I'm afraid my commitment issues would show.

I went to a speed dating event and the only match I got was with the bartender.

I set a new personal record for consecutive days without any human interaction.

I tried to take a selfie, but my camera said 'I'm good, thanks'.

I'm such a bad driver, my car refuses to play the radio because it doesn't want to hear me sing.

I tried to go on a diet, but my fridge laughed and said 'Nice try'.

I consider myself a connoisseur of failed DIY projects.

I attempted to whistle like a pro. It sounded more like a dying duck.

I asked my reflection for dating advice. It suggested I date someone else.

I can never seem to find matching socks. It's like they play hide and seek every morning.