I'm not clumsy, I just have a special talent for rearranging the furniture with my body.

I'm so bad at technology, I once tried to 'X' out of a piece of paper.

I'm not a chef, I'm more of a microwave enthusiast.

I'm not uncoordinated, I'm aerobically challenged.

I'm not a quitter, I'm just exceptionally skilled at strategic retreats.

I'm so bad at technology, I once got lost in my own smartphone.

I'm not aging, I'm just gaining more experience points in looking tired.

I'm not a control freak, I just have strong opinions about how things should be done the right way - my way.

I'm not just forgetful, I'm a professional hide-and-seeker of my own belongings.

I'm not a perfectionist, I just have incredibly high standards for my mediocrity.

I'm such a disaster, even my shadow judges me.

I'm so bad at cooking, my smoke alarm cheered when I ordered takeout.

I'm not just a daydreamer, I'm a lifetime achiever of avoiding responsibilities.

I'm so bad at cooking, I once served raw cookie dough at a bake sale.

I'm so bad at parking, even valets cringe when they see me coming.

I'm so bad at singing, even my showerhead begs for mercy.

I'm so bad at technology, I once tried to copy and paste a physical document.

I'm so bad at sports, I once threw a Frisbee and it ended up on the roof.

I'm so bad at math, I once broke a calculator trying to divide by zero.

I'm so bad at photography, I make Instagram filters look natural.

I'm so bad at swimming, I once sank in a kiddie pool with floaties on.