I'm so bad at socializing, I once made small talk with a plant at a party.

I'm so bad at shopping, I once bought the store's display item by mistake.

I'm so bad at photography, even my selfies have red eyes from blinking too much.

I'm so bad at flirting, I start blushing when I talk to the cashier at the grocery store.

I'm so bad at texting, I once accidentally replied to my own message.

I'm so bad at sleeping, I wake up more tired than when I went to bed.

I'm so bad at fashion, my outfit once got mistaken for a Halloween costume.

I'm so bad at relationships, even my pet fish doesn't want to be around me.

I'm so bad at cooking, I once burnt cereal.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once got beaten in arm wrestling by a toddler.

I'm so disorganized, I have a junk drawer for all my junk drawers.

I'm so accident-prone, I'm banned from all-you-can-eat buffets.

I'm so unathletic, I once got a participation award for watching a sports game.

I'm so out of shape, my Fitbit sends me passive-aggressive messages.

I'm so uncool, even my shadow distances itself from me.

I'm so awkward, I have to rehearse casual conversations in front of a mirror.

I'm so antisocial, my pet rock is my only friend.

I'm like a Rubik's Cube - colorful but impossible to figure out.

I'm the kind of person who would break a mirror just by looking at it.

I'm like a walking oxymoron - never quite making sense.

I'm like a comedian with no audience - always telling jokes that only I find funny.