I always forget people's names right after they tell me. It's like my brain has a delete button for personal information.

I tried to fix my own car and accidentally broke the windshield wiper off.

I'm so forgetful, I once wore my slippers to a job interview.

I have a black belt in procrastination. I'll tell you more about it tomorrow.

I attempted to cut my own hair and ended up looking like a pineapple.

I'm so indecisive, I can't even decide on a favorite color.

I once locked my keys in the car while it was still running. It was a memorable experience.

I'm so bad with technology, I accidentally texted my mom instead of my crush.

I went to the gym and accidentally sat on a weight machine upside down. It was quite the workout.

I tried to DIY a home improvement project and ended up creating more problems than I started with.

I'm so bad at dancing, people have mistaken me for a malfunctioning robot.

I once thought I had super strength and tried to open a pickle jar only to have it shatter in my hands.

I'm so bad at telling jokes, I once made a clown cry.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I can't even walk and chew gum at the same time.

I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.

I put the "pro" in "procrastinate".

I'm great at multitasking—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.