I'm not a control freak, I just know better than everyone else.

I would make a terrible detective - I can't even find my own keys.

I'm not lazy, I just enjoy doing nothing a little too much.

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I would still be deciding whether to sign up.

I have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies.

I'm not clumsy, I'm just on a mission to test gravity.

I am the reason why they put 'Caution: Hot' on coffee cups.

I'm not indecisive, I'm just very good at weighing my options until it's too late.

I'm like a human tornado - leaving a mess everywhere I go.

I have a black belt in procrastination - I'll show you the certificate tomorrow.

I'm not a quitter, I just enjoy starting new projects more than finishing them.

I'm not a perfectionist, I'm just very skilled at finding flaws.

I'm like a Rubik's cube - complex, confusing, and easily ignored by most people.

I'm not a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person. Let's just say I'm not a person at all until I've had my coffee.

I'm not a pessimist, I'm just very experienced at Murphy's Law.

I'm like a broken record - annoying, repetitive, and always skipping.

I'm not old, I'm just youthfully challenged.

I asked my mirror who's the most awkward person in the room, and it pointed at me.

I'm so bad at cooking, I once burnt water.

I'm like a broken pencil - pointless.

I was voted 'most likely to trip over flat ground' in high school.