Isn't it odd how we buy a gym membership to get in shape, only to drive there and use the escalator?

Why do we say 'time flies' when it really just drags on during a boring meeting?

I find it ironic that people who can't distinguish 'your' from 'you're' are the first to correct others' grammar.

I never understood why gym equipment comes with instructions - shouldn't it be self-explanatory?

Whoever decided to call it 'rush hour' clearly never sat in traffic.

Don't you find it strange how 'funeral' starts with 'fun'?

People who say 'It's a small world' have never tried to fold a fitted sheet.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind? Oh wait, that's just litter.

I always feel like somebody's watching me...probably my FBI agent.

I'm pretty sure my house is haunted...I hear footsteps at 3 am...turns out it's just my cat.

I wish mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood, then I’d be like 'take it all you want!'

Do you ever look at your inbox and think 'wow, this is the digital version of a never-ending story'?

Why is it that in every action movie, the bad guys have terrible aim but as soon as the hero shows up, they become sharpshooters?

Have you ever noticed that no matter how many times you mow the lawn, it always grows back?

I find it ironic how we call dogs 'man's best friend' but they can't even return a phone call.

The irony of ironing is that you have to do it on clothes that get wrinkled when you sit down.

Have you ever noticed that as soon as you put something in a 'safe place', it becomes lost forever?

Why is it that when someone tells you not to look down, all you want to do is look down?

Ironic how we call it 'fast food' when most of the time we're stuck waiting in line.

Do you ever notice how we always end up buying way more groceries than we originally planned for when we go to the store hungry?

Isn't it funny how the weather forecast can change more times in a day than some people change their clothes?