I asked the doctor if he could recommend something for my paranoia. He whispered, 'I'm watching you.'

Why did the grave robber decide to retire? He was tired of digging up old dirt.

Why did the serial killer take a break? He needed to decompose.

I showed up to the costume party as a mirror. Everyone looked at me in disbelief.

I told my wife she should take up boxing. She hit the roof.

Why did the mortician's phone ring off the hook? He had a lot of missed bodies.

I keep telling everyone I'm a compulsive liar, but no one believes me.

I told my wife she should try some stand-up comedy. She said she prefers sitting down.

I asked my wife why she was carrying a ladder around the house. She said it was for high spirits.

I told my wife she should learn to juggle to balance her life. She threw three balls at my head.

I asked my wife if she wanted a frozen banana. She said, 'No thanks, I'm not peeling well.'

Why did the ghost go to the party? Because he was feeling ghost-waited.

I told my wife she should try stand-up comedy. She told me to stand up and leave.

I told my wife she should try skydiving to lift her spirits. Unfortunately, the parachute didn't lift.

I asked the doctor for something to cure my fear of heights. He told me to drop it.

My wife told me to stop making bird jokes. I told her toucan play at that game.

I told my therapist I have a fear of overcomplicating things. He said it's a complex issue.

Why did the skeleton refuse to go to the dance? He had no body to dance with.

Why did the clown go to therapy? He was feeling a little deflated.

I told my wife she should take up boxing to blow off some steam. She punched me in the face.

I told my wife she should watch her weight. She replied, 'Don't worry, I can see it just fine.'