Why do we say 'I read a book' but 'I watch TV'? Are we performing CPR on the book?

It's hilarious how we pretend to check the mail every day, even though we know it's just bills and junk mail.

I find it funny how we always say we'll just watch one episode, and then suddenly it's 3 AM.

Isn't it strange how we take our phones everywhere, even to places where we can't use them?

It's amusing how we can spend hours picking out the perfect emoji to send, but can't find the right words to express our feelings.

Why do we have a 'to go' box at a restaurant when we all know we're just going to eat it in the car on the way home?

I always chuckle when I see people rushing to get in line at a store, as if the cashier will run out of items to sell.

Isn't it funny how we judge how good a party was by the quality of the free food?

Why do we call it 'quick sand' when it's literally the slowest way to die?

I always laugh when people instinctively hold their breath when walking by a smoker, as if it will protect them from the smoke.

Have you ever noticed how the weather forecast is always wrong when you forget to check it?

Why do we put toppings on pizza, but not on other round foods like burgers or tacos?

Isn't it strange how we have no problem talking to our pets, but feel awkward talking to plants?

Do you ever notice how our favorite shirt mysteriously shrinks in the closet, but the one we never wear seems to double in size?

Why is it that we always seem to run into someone we know when we look our worst, but never when we're dressed to impress?

Have you ever realized that the length of a minute changes depending on whether you're waiting for your food to heat up or trying to finish a workout?

It's funny how we spend so much time looking for our phone when it's in our hand the whole time, yet we can't seem to find our keys even when they're right in front of us.

I've realized that the most dangerous game to play is 'Who can hold their breath the longest' at a family gathering.

I find it funny how we all suddenly become experts on a topic after watching one documentary on Netflix.

Have you ever noticed how people who say 'I slept like a baby' must have never actually been around a baby?

It's funny how our definition of a 'quick errand' can suddenly turn into a half-day affair the moment we step out the door.