What do politicians use to catch fish? Lobby-nets!

How do politicians greet each other? With a wave and a tax increase!

Why did the politician go to therapy? To work through their campaign issues!

What do you call a politician with an opinion? An anomaly!

Why did the politician carry a pencil? In case he had to draw conclusions!

How do politicians greet each other? 'Lobby you doing?'

Why did the politician go to the doctor? To get a recount of his health!

What do you call a politician who's lost an election? A pretty sore loser!

Why couldn't the politician make a cup of tea? He couldn't handle the tea party!

Why do politicians make terrible comedians? They always filibust the punchline!

What did the politician say to the fired campaign manager? 'You're impeached!'

What do you call a politician who's good at math? A number-cruncher!

Why was the politician always calm? Because he knew how to govern his temper!

What kind of crackers do politicians like? Debate crackers!

Why did the politician bring a flashlight to the debate? For illuminating remarks!

How does a politician exercise? By running for office!

Why did the politician break up with his calculator? Because it always divided instead of adding!

Why did the politician go to school? To learn how to filibuster!

What do you call a dinosaur that’s a politician? A tyrannosaurus rex!

Why did the politician bring a pair of scissors to the discussion? They wanted to cut through the red tape!

Why did the politician become a beekeeper? They wanted to create a buzz around their campaign!