How do politicians stay cool during debates? They stay near the fans.

What do you call a politician who practices good posture? A straight shooter.

Why do politicians do well in math class? They know how to manipulate numbers.

How do politicians communicate in secret? They use sub-committees.

Why did the politician get a pet bird? He wanted to tweet more than the President.

What did the politician say after winning the election? “I’m counting my votes before they hatch!”

Why did the politician wear sunglasses to the press conference? To block out the haters!

Why did the politician bring a map to the campaign trail? To find their way back to their promises!

Why did the politician wear a hard hat to the speech? To protect themselves from falling poll numbers!

What do you call a politician who sings in the shower? A lobbyist!

Why do politicians make terrible comedians? They always govern the audience!

What do you call a politician with a broken compass? Directionless!

Why did the politician start a garden? To cultivate support!

Why did the politician bring a rubber band to the meeting? To bounce back from tough questions!

Why did the politician go to the construction site? To build a bridge to bipartisanship!

What's a politician's favorite type of math? Punditry!

Why did the politician bring a crystal ball to the rally? To predict their own future in office!

Why did the politician bring a ruler to the protest? To measure his chances of reelection!

Why did the politician become a pilot? To navigate the turbulent skies of politics!

What do you call a politician who sleeps all day? A power nap-ist!

What do you call a politician who can't make up his mind? A flip-flopper-er!