Why don't politicians play poker? They can't handle the truth.

Why did the politician bring a dictionary to the rally? To redefine their promises.

Why did the politician get a pet parrot? So it could repeat their talking points.

How does a politician cool down? By throwing shade at their opponents.

Why did the politician bring a mirror to the election? To practice their fake smiles.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but they'll spend millions debating it first.

Why did the politician go to school for drama? To perfect their acting skills when making promises.

What's the difference between a politician and a cat? One purrs when it gets its way, the other just gives empty promises.

Why did the politician break up with their calculator? It could no longer handle all the budget cuts.

Did you hear about the politician who went on a diet? They lost the election.

What do you call a group of politicians at the beach? Sand barons.

Did you hear about the politician who was allergic to the truth? They broke out in lies.

Why was the politician always calm during debates? They were an expert at filibustering their emotions.

What do you get when you cross a politician and a snake? A slytherin' official.

Why did the politician become a gardener? They needed a better way to weed out the competition.

Did you hear about the politician who lost an election? He couldn't handle the defeat and just wanted to sandpaper everything!

What do you get when you cross a politician with a snake? A politician!

Why did the politician go to the doctor? Because he had a lot of government cuts!

Why did the politician carry a map? Because he couldn't find his way out of a scandal!

Why do politicians always seem tired? Because they are always running for office!

Why do politicians make terrible archaeologists? Because they are always burying the truth!