Why did the shoes break up? They were sole mates, but one of them had commitment issues.

What did the chicken say to the egg? It's been egg-stremely nice knowing you.

My girlfriend accused me of being a transphobe. I said that's a big word for a 10-year-old.

Why did the music teacher break up with her boyfriend? He couldn't handle her high notes.

I used to date a baker, but I couldn't handle the crumby relationship.

Why do vampires make great boyfriends? They really know how to sink their teeth into a relationship.

Why did the couple go to the seafood disco? They heard they would have a whale of a time.

Why did the scarecrow break up with the cornstalk? It was always stalking him.

Why did the skeleton break up with the ghost? He couldn't handle her transparent ways.

Did you hear about the married couple who met in a locked room? It was love at first sight.

Why did the bacon break up with the tomato? It couldn't ketchup to her.

Why did the janitor break up with the mop? He said it was too dirty.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to watch. She said 'You pick.' So I turned off the TV and we went for a walk.

Why did the dairy products break up? They were too cheesy with each other.

I told my wife she should embrace her inner child. She turned off the lights and started watching cartoons.

Why did the grape file for divorce? It was tired of raisin all the kids.

What do you call two pencil erasers in love? - Mistakes!

How did the pillow propose to the blanket? - With a pillowcase!

Why did the balloon break up with the party? - It needed some space.

What did the paper clip say to the stapler? - 'Let's stick together!'

How did the tree ask the other tree to dinner? - 'Wood you like to go out with me?'