I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes. That's why she's laughing during sex.

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She kept disappearing on him.

Why did the math professor break up with his calculator? It just didn't add up.

I told my wife she should be more affectionate. So she got a cat.

Why did the grape stop dating the raisin? It was tired of being dried up.

My wife said she wants to have a threesome. So I invited her sister to join us.

Why did the tree break up with the bush? It couldn't see the forest for the leaves.

Why did the gardener break up with the plants? They were leafing him.

Why did the astronaut break up with the alien? The relationship was out of this world.

Why did the artist break up with the paintbrush? It was leaving too many strokes.

Why did the musician break up with the music sheet? It couldn't read between the lines.

Why did the grape break up with the banana? It couldn't peel the relationship.

Why did the tennis player break up with the golfer? Love wasn't their racket.

Why did the bicycle break up with the unicycle? It couldn't handle the one-wheeled drama.

I told my husband I was going to make a car out of spaghetti. He said I was crazy. You should have seen the look on his face as I drove pasta!

Why did the romantic comedy film fail? It had way too many commitment issues.

Why did the man propose to his tennis racket? Because he wanted to have a perfect match!

I told my boyfriend he should do stand-up comedy. He laughed. We haven't spoken since.

Why did the book break up with the bookmark? It wanted to turn a new page.

Why did the grape break up with the vine? It needed to branch out.

Why did the garbage can break up with the garbage bag? It was too clingy.