I have a love-hate relationship with my scale. It always reminds me how much I love food.

I attempted to cook a fancy dinner for my date, but I ended up setting off the smoke alarm. Let's just say it wasn't a hot date.

I thought I was a great singer until I recorded myself and realized I sound like a dying cat.

I'm so forgetful, I once forgot my own name at a job interview.

I'm so forgetful, I once left my car keys in the ignition overnight.

I'm so bad at dancing, I've been referred to as 'the wallflower'.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once sprained my wrist trying to catch a frisbee.

I'm so bad at technology, I still have a VCR.

I'm so bad at sports, I once got a paper cut from a sports magazine.

I'm so forgetful, I once forgot to wear deodorant to a job interview.

I'm so bad at singing, I sound like a drowning cat.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once knocked over a row of dominos just by walking by.

I'm so awkward, I once tripped over my own shoelaces in front of my crush.

I'm so bad at public speaking, I once tried to use emojis in a presentation.

I'm so forgetful, I once washed my phone with my laundry.

I'm so bad at singing, I've been mistaken for a siren.

I'm so bad at dancing, I once got my foot stuck in a chair leg trying to do the cha-cha.

I'm so bad at cooking, I burned toast in the toaster.

I'm so clumsy, I've broken three mirrors this year alone.

I'm so bad at singing, my voice cracks like a broken record.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once tripped over a shadow.