I'm the type of person who can fall asleep at a party while standing up.

I'm not just a procrastinator, I've made an art form out of waiting until the last minute.

I'm the type of person who can start a diet on Monday and break it by Tuesday morning.

I'm not just a bad dancer, I've been known to make people question if I have limbs.

I'm not just forgetful, I once went to a meeting wearing two different shoes and didn't realize until someone pointed it out.

I'm not just a procrastinator, I'm an expert at taking a five-minute task and turning it into a five-hour ordeal.

I'm so terrible at singing, I once caused a glass to shatter just by humming.

I'm not just uncoordinated, I once tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and managed to sprain both ankles.

I'm not just a bad cook, I once set off the fire alarm making cereal.

I'm so bad at gardening, I once killed a cactus...which is basically impossible.

I'm not just clumsy, I once accidentally threw my phone in the trash while trying to clean up around it.

I'm not just a bad dancer, I'm a hazard to society.

I have the fashion sense of a scarecrow on laundry day.

I'm so bad at technology, I still use a calculator to send text messages.

I'm not just forgetful, I once spent an hour looking for my phone while talking on it.

I have the singing voice of a dying cat with a sore throat.

I'm not just unlucky, I once got a flat tire on a rollercoaster.

I have the coordination of a baby deer on an ice rink.

I'm not just a bad driver, I'm a magnet for traffic cones.

I have a tendency to overthink things...or do I? Wait, now I'm overthinking that.

I'm not just a multitasker, I'm a master at starting multiple projects and finishing none.