I'm the reason why 'How To' videos have a disclaimer at the beginning.

I went to a speed dating event and got rejected by the timer.

I'm so forgetful, I once called my mom to ask her where my phone was.

I'm so lazy, I tried to outsource my own exercise routine.

I went to a petting zoo and the animals avoided me like the plague.

I'm like a walking fashion disaster - my wardrobe is a cry for help.

I went to a karaoke night and they said my singing could clear the room faster than a fire alarm.

I'm not saying I'm unlucky, but I once broke a mirror by looking at it.

I'm so bad at dancing, my shadow even cringes.

I'm not saying I'm indecisive, but I once spent an hour deciding what to watch on Netflix... and ended up rewatching the office.

I'm not saying I'm a procrastinator, but I once filed my taxes on April 16th at 11:59 PM.

I'm not saying I'm accident-prone, but I once got a concussion from a falling leaf.

I'm so bad at time management, I'm still recovering from last year's New Year's resolutions.

I'm not saying I'm unlucky in love, but even my dog swipes left on me.

I'm not saying I'm a bad swimmer, but I once wore floaties in a jacuzzi.

I'm so bad at cooking that when I ordered a salad, they gave me a cookbook.

I'm not saying I'm awkward, but I once high-fived someone who was waving to someone behind me.

I'm so bad at technology that Siri asked me for tech support.

I'm not saying I'm forgetful, but I once walked into a room and forgot why I went in there.

I'm not saying I'm uncoordinated, but I once tripped over a flat surface.

I'm so bad at saving money, I can make it disappear faster than a magician.