How does a vampire start letters? Tomb it may concern.

What do you call a fish playing guitar? Bass player.

Why are eggs not very funny? Because they can't take a yolk.

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tyred.

I would tell you a joke about lemons, but it's a bit too sour.

I used to think air was free, but then I bought a bag of chips!

Why was the calendar so good at its job? Because it always kept its days straight!

How do you organize a fantastic party in space? You planet!

I sold my vacuum cleaner because it was just gathering dust.

I'd tell you a joke about the Golden Age of pirating, but it's rated aaaaaargh.

Why did the onions cry? Because they couldn't find their roots!

Have you heard about the kidnapped scarecrow? He was outstanding in his field!

I would tell you a joke about a small bridge, but I feel like it's a little incomplete.

I would tell you a joke about a cave, but I fear it's too deep.

Have you heard about those new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out!

I'm reading a book on helium. It's so good that I can't put it down.

I'm friends with a mathematician. He's a real square.

I'd tell you a joke about a time traveling sandwich, but it's too cheesy.

I would make a joke about the wind, but it blows.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back!

How does a penguin keep its house cool? Igloos it down!