I'm friends with a baker. We're like two crusts in a pod!

I would tell you a joke about space, but it's too out of this world.

I would tell you a joke about a time machine, but you didn’t like it.

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.

Why did the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Do you know the story of the chicken who crossed the playground? To get to the other slide.

I would tell you a joke about a vacuum, but it probably won't suck.

Why did the math book sleep on the job? It had too many problems.

Why did the potato start a podcast? It had a lot of appealing content.

Why did the scarecrow become a doctor? He was outstanding in his field of medicine.

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the Fresh Prince.

Why was the music teacher always sick? He had too many notes.

Why did the skeleton get into a fight? He didn't have the stomach for it.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful YouTuber? He was outstanding in his field of subscribers.

Why was the math test so hard? Because it had too many problems.

Why did the tofu go to the party? It wanted to mingle with the cool beans.

What do you call fake spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.

Why do oysters go to parties? Because they're shellfish!

You can never trust stairs because they're always up to something.

Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the picnic? He was planning to stay for trunk a while!

They say I'm condescending, but that means I talk down to people!