Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired of standing upright.

I asked my wife why she couldn't parallel park properly. She said, 'It's like my parking skills, they just don't align.'

I told my son he should embrace his dreams. He replied, 'Does that mean I can marry a unicorn?'

Why did the ghost go to rehab? It had an addiction to boo'ze.

I tried to come up with a joke about time travel, but it's about time you heard it.

I asked my wife if she ever had an electric shock. She replied, 'Every time I hear you sing.'

I tried to write a joke about the sun, but it's too light-hearted for me.

I told my wife she should embrace her inner demons. She replied, 'They already have a strong hold on me.'

Why did the burglar hang his diploma on the wall? To show he had a degree in breaking and entering.

I told my wife she should embrace her imperfections. She replied, 'Sure, as long as you embrace your bald spot.'

I told my wife she should embrace her dark side. She said, 'I already have, it's called my wardrobe.'

I asked the fortune teller how I would die. She said, 'You will be killed by an assassin.' I asked, 'But when?' She replied, 'No worries, it will be a surprise.'

I told my wife she should embrace her fears. She replied, 'I do, every time I see a spider.'

I asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide. She replied, 'They never return those.'

I told my wife she should embrace her bad habits. She said, 'I'm already an expert at that.'

I told my wife she should embrace her inner beauty. She looked at me and said, 'Thanks, but that ship has sailed.'

I tried to come up with a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

I tried to write a joke about a fence, but as it turned out, it was quite wooden.

I heard about the kidnapping at the park. He woke up. It's not funny anymore.

I told my wife she should embrace her inner beauty. She said, 'I've tried, but it just keeps getting deeper.'

I heard about the kidnapping at the park. He woke up. He was relieved to find out that it was all just a dream.