Why did the ice cream truck break down? It had a rocky road.

Why did the psychic break up with her ghost boyfriend? He wasn't giving her enough space.

I asked my wife what she did before she met me. Apparently, she dated living men.

Why was the math book so sad? It knew its days were numbered.

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too competitive. I joked that I would win her back, but she said I didn't stand a chance.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was the last thing it had to straw it with.

Do you know why the serial killer failed anatomy? He just couldn't stomach the lessons.

I love telling dead baby jokes. They never get old.

I asked my wife if she wanted to run away with me. Then I remembered I can't run that fast with a body in the trunk.

I saw a fat man wearing a slogan T-shirt that said, 'I refuse to diet!' I thought, 'Great, now even clothes are getting cocky.'

They say you are what you eat. That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend.

I told my therapist about my necrophiliac tendencies. He just said I might be digging myself into a hole.

I heard an interesting fact about cemeteries, people are just dying to get in.

I used to have a fear of spiders, but now I own a haunted house full of them.

I heard that graveyards are overcrowded because people are just dying to get in.

I asked my friend if he wanted to join my cult. He said he was already in a committed relationship with his therapist.

I told my girlfriend she should lose some weight. Now she's haunting me every time I open the fridge.

I used to have a fear of elevators, but I've taken steps to avoid them.

I found a needle in my Halloween candy. Turns out, it was just a little prick.

I tried to donate blood, but they said my type was 'creepy' and asked me to leave.

I told my wife she should invest in a cemetery. She said she needed some time to dig deep and think about it.