Why did the politician bring a pen to the debate? To underline their points.

What do you get when you cross a politician with a comedian? A stand-up politician.

Why was the politician always calm in a crisis? They were used to being in a state of emergency.

Why did the politician go to therapy? To work on their emotional filibuster.

How does a politician sleep at night? First they lie down, then they lie some more.

Why was the politician such a good artist? They knew how to draw out the truth...or at least a convincing facade.

What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a table? Congress.

Why did the politician go to the barbershop? He needed a little off the top.

What do you call a politician who's lost an election? A re-poll-tician!

Why did the politician go to therapy? He had too many issues.

What do you call a politician with an opinion? Wrong.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field, just like a politician.

How does a politician stay cool? By staying far from the hot seat.

Why did the politician go to the bank? To withdraw some votes.

How does a politician clean his house? By sweeping things under the rug.

What's a politician's favorite type of shoe? Flip-floppers.

Why did the politician bring a glass of water to the debate? In case he needed to walk on water like a miracle worker.

What do you call a zombie politician? A dead re-poll-tician!

Why did the politician cross the road? To get to the undecided voters on the other side.

How do you spot a lying politician? His lips are moving.

Why don't politicians like to play sports? They're afraid of getting caught in a 'spin' cycle!