I asked my husband for a wake-up call. He told me his love for me should be enough to wake me up every day.

Why did the scarecrow break up with the cornstalk? Because it was too stalky.

Why did the man bring a ladder to his date? He heard she liked high maintenance.

I asked my wife if I was the best she's ever had. She said yes, all the others were at least sevens.

Why did the man bring a pencil to bed? In case he made a mistake.

I told my wife she should do more cardio. She said she never has time. I guess we were on different wavelengths.

Why did the man bring a mirror on his date? He heard she liked reflection.

I asked my wife if she thought I was cheap. She said probably. It's a sign of the times.

Why did the man break up with the grapefruit? It was too bitter.

Why did the wife bring a GPS on their anniversary? The relationship needed direction.

I asked my wife if she believed in soulmates. She said she believed in sole-mates, you know, the one who buys the shoes.

Why did the man bring a ruler on his date? He heard she liked measurement.

I told my wife she should write a book. She said I should title it 'How to be a great husband by doing exactly what your wife says'.

Why did the man bring a watch on his date? He heard she liked to watch the clock.

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She thought he was too transparent.

What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here on top, I'll cover the bottom.

Why did the gardener break up with the plant? It just couldn't grow on him.

What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a while to get hard, I just got laid.

Why did the cupcake break up with the muffin? It felt crumby.

What did the sock say to the shoe? These feet are made for walking, don't let them down.

What did the necklace say to the bracelet? You complete me.