I asked my wife if she knows how many men she's dated. She said, 'Only one, all the others were jerks.'

Why did the French chef keep breaking up with his girlfriends? He found out they were just in it for the quiche.

I tried to ask out my crush, but she was already booked on my calendar.

Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she grew out of her B-shells!

I took my girlfriend to the beach for a romantic sunset picnic. But the weather changed. It was cloud-y and overcast.

What did the banana say to the orange? You're appealing to me.

Why did the cow break up with the bull? He was always milking the situation.

Why did the mountain and the valley break up? They just couldn't find common ground.

What did the hat say to the scarf? You warm my heart.

Why did the violinist and the pianist break up? They were always out of tune.

What did the grape say to the wine? You make me feel bubbly.

Why did the baker break up with the flour? It felt too kneady.

Why did the tomato and the lettuce break up? He thought she was too saucy.

What did the key say to the lock? You open up my heart.

Why did the surgeon break up with the nurse? Their love was incision-dependent.

What did the magnet say to the fridge? I find you very attractive.

Why did the actor break up with the actress? They were always acting out.

What did the painting say to the artist? You color my world.

Why did the computer and the printer break up? He just couldn't get her to connect.

What did the umbrella say to the rain? You make my day brighter.

Why did the scarecrow and the cornfield break up? He felt like she was just stringing him along.