My girlfriend said I never take her anywhere. So I dropped her off at the gas station.

Why did the plant break up with the fertilizer? It was tired of being taken for granite.

Why did the scarecrow break up with the corn? Because it was too stalky.

Why did the baker break up with his dough? It wasn't rolling in the dough.

I asked my boyfriend if he could remember the little things that matter. He said, 'Like your shoe size?'

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She kept haunting him about the past.

My girlfriend said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

Why did the grape break up with the raisin? It was tired of its wrinkly old ways.

Why did the baker break up with the flour? It was too kneady.

My wife accused me of being too competitive. I'll see if I can beat that.

Why did the accountant break up with the calculator? It just couldn't count on it.

I told my girlfriend she draws her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Why did the gardener break up with the soil? It was too dirty.

My girlfriend claims I'm obsessed with cricket, but she's just not in my league.

I asked my wife if I was the peanut butter to her jelly. She said she prefers jam.

Why did the shoes break up? They couldn't tie the knot.

My wife asked me why I carry a knife everywhere. I said, 'In case of an avocado emergency.'

Why did the music notes break up? They couldn't find their harmony.

I asked my wife if I was her sunrise or sunset. She said I was more like an eclipse.

Why did the ghost break up with their partner? Things were just getting too spooky.

My girlfriend told me to stop being a flamingo. I had to flamingle somewhere else.