Why did the comedian date the baker? He kneaded the dough for a good relationship.

Why did the musician break up with his metronome? He couldn't stand to be in tick-tocking order.

Why did the basketball player break up with his girlfriend? She kept dribbling on about their relationship.

Why did the coffee cup file a restraining order against the tea cup? It was being too steep.

Why did the romantic comedy break up with the action film? They were just not on the same script.

Why did the chef date the janitor? He swept her off her feet with his culinary skills.

Why did the wedding cake go to couple's therapy? It had too many layers of issues.

Why did the bee break up with the flower? It pollen love was not enough.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more mysterious. I haven't told her my name in weeks.

I told my girlfriend she should be more affectionate. So she got a restraining order.

I told my wife she should try making helicopter noises to keep the kids entertained. That would be chopper talk.

I told my girlfriend she should do more puns. Now we have a pun in the oven.

I asked my wife if she was mad that I bought a boat. She said, 'In ship shape.'

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field...just like my ex.

Why did the knife break up with the fork? It was tired of all the prongs.

Why did the TV break up with the remote? It couldn't handle the channel surfing.

Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? It couldn't handle the constant revisions.

Why did the car break up with the road? It was tired of the bumpy ride.

Why did the book break up with the library? It needed some personal shelf space.

Why did the cell phone break up with the charger? It needed to recharge its own battery.

Why did the umbrella break up with the rain? It needed some sunshine in its life.