I asked my girlfriend to pick up six cans of Sprite from the grocery store. She came back with seven Up.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go tonight. She said 'Somewhere I've never been.' I said 'How about the kitchen?'

Why did the man propose to the baker? He kneaded her.

Why did the scarecrow break up with his girlfriend? Because she was outstanding in her field!

Why did the math book and the history book break up? They had too many problems.

What do you call a bear without a toothbrush? A gummy bear!

My boyfriend called me a pedestrian. That was an insult on so many levels.

What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you up for a little row-mance?

Why did the computer break up with the tablet? It couldn't handle the touchscreen drama.

Why did the chef break up with the baker? They couldn't agree on the perfect recipe for love.

Why did the musician break up with the singer? They were always out of tune.

Why did the car break up with the bicycle? It couldn't handle the wheel drama.

Why did the doctor break up with the nurse? They needed more space for their patients.

Why did the painter break up with the sculptor? They couldn't mold their relationship into something solid.

Why did the bee break up with the flower? It felt like their relationship was starting to wilt.

Why did the librarian break up with the bookworm? They were always checking out other people.

Why did the sailor break up with the mermaid? It was just a fling under the sea.

Why did the baker break up with the pastry chef? They couldn't handle the heat in the kitchen.

Why did the magician break up with the assistant? They couldn't make their love disappear.

Why did the mathematician break up with the statistician? They couldn't calculate a happy ending.