I tried to embrace my inner child, but it just wanted to watch cartoons all day.

I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesomeness.

I'm not a control freak, I just know the correct way to do everything.

I'm not a night owl, I'm just in a committed relationship with my bed.

I'm not indecisive, I'm just exploring all my options indefinitely.

I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just waiting for the perfect moment. It hasn't arrived yet.

I'm so awkward, I once high-fived someone who was trying to wave at me.

I'm so directionally challenged, I once used GPS to find my way out of a one-way street.

I'm so bad at socializing, I once tried to network at a funeral.

I'm so bad at budgeting, I once accidentally bought a pet rock thinking it was on sale.

I'm so clumsy, I once spilled hot soup in my lap at a fancy restaurant.

I'm so bad at art, even stick figures look at my drawings and laugh.

I'm so unorganized, I once lost my keys in the refrigerator.

I'm so awkward, I once tried to shake hands with someone who was just waving.

I'm so inexperienced, I once tried to parallel park by driving straight into the curb.

I'm so bad at giving directions, I once lead a group of tourists straight into a dead end.

I'm so bad at sports, even my virtual avatar is out of shape.

I'm so uncool, my mom still picks out my clothes.

I'm so bad at DIY projects, my Pinterest boards are just a collection of failed attempts.

I'm so bad at small talk, I accidentally got into a deep philosophical debate at a party.

I'm so awkward, I make cringeworthy moments look like a walk in the park.