I'm so bad at fashion, I once got kicked out of a thrift store for looking too out of style.

I'm so bad at socializing, I once tried to shake hands with a mirror.

I'm so bad at parking, even the automatic sensors give up on me.

I'm such a bad singer, my neighbors have offered to pay me to stop.

I'm so socially awkward, I've accidentally high-fived myself in public.

I'm so bad at technology, I have a hard time turning on the TV.

I'm so unathletic, I once got winded opening a bag of chips.

I'm so forgetful, I set a reminder to remember things and then forget to check it.

I went to a party and awkwardly stood in a corner. Turns out, it was a circle of trust.

I'm not a night owl, I'm just a perpetually exhausted pigeon.

I always find myself walking into spider webs. I must be their favorite runway model.

I have a black belt in sarcastic comments and a Ph.D. in self-sabotage.

I'm not indecisive, I'm just overwhelmed by the multiple wrong choices I could make.

I'm not a morning person, I'm barely a person before noon.

I'm not a quitter, I'm just an expert at strategic retreats.

I asked my mirror for a compliment, and it just said 'Error 404: Confidence not found.'

My self-esteem is like a newborn baby - fragile, constantly crying, and prone to meltdowns.

I'm at the age where my back goes out more than I do.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths - especially around the waistline.

I'm like a fine wine - I age poorly and give people headaches.

I don't have a fear of commitment, I have a fear of my phone battery committing suicide.