I went to the gym once and spent more time taking selfies than actually working out.

I once tried to impress someone by playing the guitar, but ended up just tuning it for an hour.

I went to a party hoping to make new friends, but ended up befriending the dog instead.

I thought I was good at multitasking until I tried to walk and text at the same time.

I tried to learn a new language, but gave up when I couldn't even pronounce 'hello' correctly.

I once tried to impress someone by saying I speak three languages fluently, but then I remembered that Pig Latin doesn't count.

I'm not saying I'm a terrible singer, but once I accidentally got a dog howling along with me.

I'm so bad at directions that even my GPS started asking for directions.

I once bought a self-help book on procrastination, but I never got around to reading it.

I'm like a human air freshener - I only work if someone else is doing the cleaning.

I would lose my head if it wasn't attached... actually, scratch that, with my luck, I'd probably still manage to lose it.

I took an online test to see if I have OCD, but I kept getting distracted and never finished it.

I always try to live in the moment, but the moment usually involves Netflix and a large pizza.

I have a black belt in online shopping, but my actual pants size remains a mystery.

I tried to start a daily exercise routine, but now my yoga mat is just a decorative rug in my living room.

I once tried to prove I was spontaneous by going on a road trip, but I ended up making an Excel spreadsheet of all the stops along the way.

I thought I was being adventurous by trying a new hairstyle, but now I just look like I lost a bet.

I spent an hour looking for my phone before realizing I was talking to my mom on it the whole time.

I'm not clumsy, I'm just an expert at finding new and creative ways to injure myself.

I'm so forgetful, I set a reminder to remember my reminders.

I'm such a bad cook, I burnt water once.