I tried to do a DIY project, but all I ended up with was a Pinterest fail.

I'm not afraid of ghosts, I'm more afraid of the sweat stains they'd see if they haunt me during a workout.

I went to a karaoke night and realized the only person who enjoys my singing is my showerhead.

I just got mistaken for a scarecrow. I guess that's what happens when you stand still in a field for too long.

I tried to join a support group for compulsive liars, but I couldn't come up with a convincing enough reason.

I'm so bad at public speaking that even my cat walks out of the room when I start talking.

I'm so bad at singing that karaoke bars pay me to stay silent.

I'm so awkward that even automated phone systems hang up on me.

I'm so bad at technology that I accidentally set my phone language to Klingon.

I'm so bad at parking that I once spent 20 minutes trying to fit into a compact spot.

I'm so bad at decision-making that I've been stuck at a green light because I couldn't pick a direction.

I'm so bad at spelling that autocorrect changes my name to 'typo'.

I'm so bad at karaoke that the microphone begs for a break when I pick it up.

I'm so clumsy that I trip over my own feet while sitting down.

I'm so terrible at math that even Siri refuses to help me with calculations.

I'm so forgetful that I once threw my phone in the trash while looking for my keys.

I'm so bad at DIY repairs that I turned a leaky faucet into a fountain.

I'm so bad at makeup that even clowns offer me tips.

I'm so bad at karaoke that the DJ has a backup playlist just for me.

I'm so bad at singing that my shower head starts leaking water in protest.

I'm so bad at parallel parking that even the parking sensors give up on me.