I'm so indecisive, I have a hard time choosing a favorite color between clear and transparent.

I'm the reason why they say 'Don't try this at home' - I've tried it and failed every time.

I'm convinced my plants are fake because even they won't stay alive around me.

I'm the person who goes to a party and manages to spill every drink within a 10-foot radius.

I'm like a bull in a china shop - except even the bull would probably be more graceful.

I'm the reason they put warning labels on hot coffee - I've spilled it on myself more times than I can count.

I'm like a walking contradiction - a social butterfly with butterfly phobia.

I'm so lazy, I consider napping a hobby.

I'm so bad at singing, my shower faucet sings better than I do.

I'm so bad at social media, my selfies break the screen.

I'm so bad at sports, my Fitbit congratulates me for just getting out of bed.

I'm so uncoordinated, I make a sloth look agile.

I'm so unathletic, my cardio workout is just climbing stairs.

I'm so awkward, I apologize to inanimate objects when I bump into them.

I'm so bad at singing, my shower head runs cold just to drown me out.

I'm so bad at decision-making, choosing between two flavors of ice cream feels like a life-altering choice.

I asked my mirror for some fashion advice, and it shattered.

I applied for a job as a waiter, but they said they already had enough accidents waiting to happen.

I like to think I'm a good listener, but then I remembered I interrupt myself all the time.

I signed up for a procrastination support group, but I keep putting off attending the meetings.

I always judge myself for eating an entire pizza, but then I remember I'm just prepping for my future career as a competitive eater.