I tried meditating but my mind wandered off to make a to-do list for tomorrow.

I decided to learn a new language, but even Google Translate thinks my accent is terrible.

I tell myself I'll go to the gym, but then I remember I don't even know where my gym shoes are.

I went to a party and told a joke, but I was the only one laughing.

I tried giving myself a pep talk in the mirror, but I ended up arguing with myself.

I thought about getting a tattoo, but then I remembered I can't commit to a Netflix series, let alone a design on my body.

I like to think I'm a DIY expert, until my Pinterest project turns into a Pinterest fail.

I went to a job interview thinking I nailed it, only to realize I had my shirt on inside out the whole time.

I asked my mirror for advice, it laughed at me.

My plant died because I forgot to water it. I can't even keep a plant alive, let alone my own life.

I can never find anything in my house. It's like I'm playing hide and seek with myself.

I thought about writing my autobiography, but then I realized no one would want to read a book titled 'The Chronicles of Average'.

I tried to take up a new hobby, but then I remembered I have the attention span of a goldfish.

I told myself to be more positive, but then I remembered I'm a realist.

I'm not just bad at singing, my vocal range is limited to shower screams.

I'm not just a glass half-empty kind of person, I spill the beer too.

I'm not the life of the party, I'm more like its awkward plus-one.

I'm not a fashion icon, I'm more like a walking laundry basket.

I'm not just forgetful, my memory is like a sieve with holes drilled in it.

I'm so unathletic, I break a sweat just thinking about exercising.

I'm not the most stylish person, I think my fashion sense peaked in 5th grade.