I'm the only person who can manage to fail a stress test.

I'm the proud owner of a participation award for life.

I'm so bad at parallel parking that I've made it a spectator sport.

I can't even win an argument with my own reflection.

I'm so bad at fashion, even mannequins give me judgmental looks.

I'm such a bad cook, my microwave went on strike.

I'm so bad at planning, I once packed sunscreen for a ski trip.

I'm so forgetful, I once tried to pay with my library card at a coffee shop.

I'm such a bad singer, I once broke a window while singing in the shower.

I'm so bad at organizing, I once color-coded my wardrobe and still wore mismatched socks.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once managed to stub my toe on a yoga mat.

I'm so forgetful, I once made a to-do list and promptly forgot where I put it.

I'm so bad at socializing, I once RSVP'd to a party I wasn't even invited to.

I'm so indecisive, I once spent an hour trying to choose between two options only to end up going with a third one.

I'm so clumsy, I once spilled water on my phone and then tried to clean it with more water.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I once tried to brush my teeth while putting on makeup and ended up with toothpaste all over my face.

I'm so bad at parallel parking, I once accidentally parked on the sidewalk.

I'm so bad at organizing, I once spent an hour looking for something that was in my hand the whole time.

I'm so bad at technology, I once tried to charge my phone by plugging it into itself.

I'm so awkward, I once tried to wave back at someone who was actually waving to the person behind me.

I'm so bad at texting, my autocorrect has started correcting me on how to spell my own name.