I'm so bad at dancing, I look like a baby giraffe learning to walk.

I'm so bad at singing, my voice cracks more than a teenager going through puberty.

I'm like a human magnet for embarrassing moments, they just seem to flock to me.

I'm so unathletic, I once pulled a muscle stretching before a nap.

I'm so forgetful, I once tried to unlock my car with my house keys.

I'm like a professional procrastinator, I'll get to that joke later.

I'm so clumsy, I once knocked over a display of breakable items in a store.

I'm so bad at karaoke, people start requesting I sing 'Happy Birthday' instead.

I'm like a supermodel... if supermodels were known for their ability to trip over thin air.

I'm so bad with names, I once called my own mother by the dog's name.

I'm so bad at remembering faces, I once introduced myself to someone I had already met 3 times in one week.

I'm so bad at golf, I once hit the ball so hard it went backwards.

I'm like a human version of Murphy's Law, if something can go wrong, it usually does... when I'm involved.

I'm like a walking disaster, I should come with a caution sign.

I'm so awkward, I once waved back at someone who was actually waving to the person behind me.

I'm such a procrastinator, I haven't even started my midlife crisis yet.

I'm so accident-prone, my doctor has a frequent flyer discount for me.

I'm such a lightweight, I get drunk just by reading the wine menu.

I'm so terrible at sports, I once threw a bowling ball backwards.

I'm such a night owl, my neighbors think I'm a vampire.

I'm so bad at small talk, I once tried to start a conversation with a potted plant.