I tried to diet but the cookies in the pantry laughed at me.

I'm not clumsy, I'm just testing gravity more often than others.

I once tried to look cool on a skateboard. Let's just say my ego took a tumble.

I tried to impress someone with my knowledge of astronomy. It was clouded by how little I actually knew.

I'm so bad at flirting, I accidentally friend-zoned myself.

I'm so clumsy, I once tripped over a wireless internet connection.

I'm so forgetful, I've locked myself out of my own apartment more times than I can count.

I told myself I should go on a diet, but then I remembered I have no self-control.

I tried to take a selfie, but my camera kept asking for more face space.

I was feeling down about my appearance, then I realized my reflection probably feels the same way.

My dating profile says I'm outgoing and adventurous, but in reality, I'm more like shy and awkward.

I was once asked if I'm a morning person, I replied 'Not until about noon.'

I'm not saying I'm a bad driver, but I do have a driving playlist titled 'Crash Test Dummies'.

I'm so bad at parking, I once hit a parked car... on foot.

I decided to go for a run, but then I saw a couch and it called my name louder.

I entered a spitting contest and came in first...at drooling.

I tried to impress someone with my dance moves, but I ended up doing the Macarena at a funeral.

I once got lost in my own house and had to call for help. Turns out I was in the pantry.

I accidentally went to a party dressed as a couch potato, turns out I was spot on.

I told myself I could do anything, so I tried to touch my toes without bending my knees. Failed.

I entered a talent show and my special skill was tripping over thin air. Nailed it.