I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm just highly allergic to it.

I may not have it all together, but at least my scatterbrained-ness is entertaining.

I'm not a quitter, I just know when it's time to cut my losses and run.

I'm so bad at telling jokes, even my cat rolls its eyes at me.

I'm so bad at dancing, I got kicked out of a Zumba class for being a hazard.

I'm so bad at telling jokes, even knock-knock jokes ignore me.

I'm so clumsy, I trip over air sometimes.

I'm so awkward, I accidentally waved back at someone who wasn't waving at me.

I joined a support group for people who are too hard on themselves, but I was too critical of their progress.

I'm like a human tornado in the kitchen - everything ends up in a disaster.

I tried to touch my toes this morning. The good news is I still remember what they look like.

I joined a support group for people who have trouble making decisions. Or maybe I didn't.

Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to procrastinate even more.

I told my therapist that I have trouble opening up. He suggested I try 'Ctrl+Alt+Delete'.

I'm so bad at technology, I still use my phone to check the time instead of my wristwatch.

I don't need a hairstylist, I need a miracle worker.

I'm the queen of awkward greetings - I once high-fived someone who was going in for a handshake.

I'm not a smart cookie, I'm more like a stale cracker.

I have a love-hate relationship with my scale. Mostly hate.

I once tripped over a wireless phone charger. I wish I could say it was shocking.

My social skills are so bad, I once waved goodbye to someone and then realized they were just saying hello.