I'm like a cat with nine lives - except I've used up eight of them on embarrassing moments.

I'm like a plant without water - struggling to stay afloat in a sea of my own mistakes.

I'm so bad at cooking, my microwave gave up on me.

I'm such a bad dancer, I turn the dance floor into a hazard zone.

I'm like a GPS on the fritz - constantly recalculating my life choices.

I'm so clueless, I once tried to email a letter.

I'm so bad at sports, even the bench gets tired of me sitting on it.

I'm like a magnet for awkward situations - they just can't stay away from me.

I'm like a fish out of water - clueless and floundering in everyday situations.

I'm like a comedy show with no laughs - painfully awkward and cringeworthy.

I'm so forgetful, I probably forgot half of my jokes before writing them down.

I'm so klutzy, I could trip over a wireless connection.

I'm so bad at technology, I still think 'scrolling' means reading a long paper.

I'm like a parking ticket - I have fine written all over me.

I'm such a procrastinator, I could win an award for it...next year.

I'm so bad at math, even my calculator refuses to work for me.

I'm like a mirror, I reflect on myself...too much.

I'm so bad at flirting, I could charm a rock...to stay away from me.

I'm such a picky eater, my stomach has its own set of standards.

I'm like a fish out of water...gasping for air among the sharks.

I'm so uncool, even my mom unfollowed me on social media.