I'm not great at math, but I can count on one hand how many friends I have.

I'm as graceful as a bull in a china shop, and just as destructive.

I have a memory like a sieve, but not the expensive kind.

I'm so bad at remembering names, I still call my own mom 'hey you'.

My idea of a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I love waking up early in the morning, except for when the morning starts before I've even gone to bed.

I'm like a superhero, but instead of saving the day, I just binge-watch Netflix in my pajamas.

My exercise routine consists of running late and jumping to conclusions.

I'm at my most productive when I'm avoiding something else.

I have a 2-minute memory span - I'm like a goldfish but one that's not even good at swimming.

I'm not clumsy, I'm just testing the durability of objects around me.

I like to call my style of dancing 'interpretive flailing'.

I'm the kind of person who goes to a party and ends up making friends with the dog.

I'm a big fan of multitasking - I can eat, watch TV, and procrastinate all at the same time.

I'm like a Rubik's cube - it looks like I have it all together from the outside, but once you get closer, it's just a mess.

When it comes to embarrassing myself, I don't discriminate - I do it in public and in private equally well.

I've reached a point in my life where my idea of 'getting lucky' is finding a parking spot right in front of the entrance.

I'm so clumsy, I once tripped over my own feet and apologized to the ground.

I'm like a magnet for embarrassing moments - they just can't resist sticking to me.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once tried to do a cartwheel and ended up rolling on the floor.

I'm like a walking disaster, always managing to spill something on myself within minutes of wearing a clean shirt.