I tried to start a bullet journal, but I couldn't even draw a straight line with a ruler.

I'm so unfit, the only time I run is when my phone battery is about to die.

I'm such a lightweight, I get tipsy just from drinking water. Hydration and intoxication all in one sip.

I'm so bad at sports, my idea of exercise is just stretching the truth about how much I work out.

I'm so awkward, social distancing feels more like a relief than a requirement.

I'm such a mess, even my therapist asked for a referral to deal with me.

I'm so bad at technology, I still get excited when I receive a fax. It's like a relic from a bygone era.

I'm such a terrible singer, my karaoke performances are like a cry for help in melody form.

I'm like a mosquito - annoying and easily swatted away.

If being clumsy was an Olympic sport, I'd take home the gold.

I resemble that remark.

I tried to touch my toes, but my fingers got in the way.

I'm the only person I know who has a 'Most Likely to Embarrass Themselves' award.

If there was a contest for procrastination, I'd enter next year.

I'm a multitasker - I can be both awkward and uncomfortable at the same time.

I'm not saying I'm a disaster in the kitchen, but even the smoke alarm cheers when I leave.

I keep all my exes on speed dial, in case I need a laugh.

I'm like a seesaw - up and down, but mostly just sitting in one place.

People say I have a great personality, probably because they've never seen my face.

I tried to be a stand-up comedian, but my jokes were too 'sit-down'.

I put the 'fun' in funeral.