I'm not great at math, I failed at counting my blessings.

I'm so lazy, my to-do list has a 'snooze' button.

I tried to be a stand-up comedian, but the only one laughing was me.

I signed up for a dating app and my bio just says 'Professional over-thinker'.

I tried to impress someone by cooking them dinner, but the smoke alarm was not as impressed.

I went to a karaoke bar and the bartender had to ask me to stop singing so badly... I didn't even have a microphone.

I joined a dance class and the instructor asked me to march to the beat... I marched to my own beat instead.

I thought about starting a blog, then realized I have trouble coming up with captions for my own Instagram posts.

I attempted to do a home workout video, but ended up pulling a muscle trying to lift the remote.

I signed up for a marathon, but when they said it was 26 miles, I thought they meant driving.

I tried to cook a gourmet meal, but ended up ordering takeout for the third time this week.

I thought about joining a gym, but then I remembered how much I hate exercising.

I bought a self-help book on how to be more confident, but I'm too nervous to open it.

I tried to take a selfie, but my camera broke.

I'm so uncoordinated, even my Fitbit thinks I'm asleep all day.

I tried to do yoga, but I think I accidentally joined a circus instead.

I'm so bad at lying, I even tell myself the truth when I look in the mirror.

I tried to make a DIY project from Pinterest, but apparently 'nailed it' doesn't mean what I thought it did.

I signed up for a marathon thinking it was a Netflix binge-watching session... needless to say, it didn't go well.

I tried to take a selfie and the camera said 'Enough of your face, let's focus on something beautiful instead.'

I tried to do a handstand once... I'm not allowed in that yoga studio anymore.