Why did the witch join the gym? She wanted to work on her 'spell-binding' figure.

Why did the psychic break up with her boyfriend? She saw no future together.

Why did the chef get fired? He kept adding a dash of poison to his dishes.

Why did the serial killer go broke? He was spending all his money on knives and body bags.

Why did the necrophiliac break up with his girlfriend? She was too cold and lifeless.

Why did the murderer become a chef? He loved slicing and dicing.

What's the mafia's favorite pasta? Fettuccine Alfredo, because it's 'to die for'.

Why did the vampire get an award? He was always 'sinking his teeth' into new projects.

Why did the zombie join the military? He heard they were dying for new recruits.

Why did the cannibal go to the cafeteria? He heard they had a 'finger-licking good' special.

Why did the hitman fail at school? He couldn't pass any of his 'deadly exams'.

Why did the coroner get fired? He kept losing his patients.

Why did the undertaker become a chef? He wanted to try his 'hand' at new recipes.

Why did the doctor switch to being a mortician? He wanted to work with patients who wouldn't talk back.

Why did the vampire become a teacher? He loved the sound of children's necks cracking.

Why did the zombie breakup with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type - she had too much brains.

Why did the ghost join Twitter? He heard it was a great platform for haunting.

Why did the grave digger retire? He couldn't handle the workload, it was killing him.

Why did the murderer update his Facebook status? He wanted to keep his followers updated on his 'life'.

Why did the mafia boss hire an accountant? He needed help with burying the profits.

In my former job, I used to work at a bakery, but I couldn't make enough dough.