What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile, but she can't walk the talk.

Why do skeletons make terrible comedians? They have no funny bone.

Why don't skeletons play music in church? They can't carry a tune without lungs.

Why don't skeletons ever fight? They don't have the guts for it... literally.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She handed me a DNA test.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in fowl play.

Why don't skeletons eat spicy food? They can't handle the heat, it's bone-chilling.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful chef? He was outstanding at stuffing.

Why do cemetery gates close at night? Because people are dying to get in.

I asked the doctor if he could recommend something for my aching back. He said, 'A coffin.'

What did one coffin say to the other coffin? 'Is that you coffin?'

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was excellent in straw management.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees.

Where did the general keep his armies? Up his sleevies.

Why did the skeleton become a detective? Because he could get to the bottom of any case.

Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded to work out his dough-pressing issues.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was excellent at scaring children away from the corn maze.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? It had an outstanding personality, made of hay.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was excellent at crow-d control.

Why did the chicken join a band? It had the drumsticks and was a real cluckster.