What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? 'Broom service!'

Why did the skeleton refuse to jump off the cliff? It didn't have the guts to do it.

Why did the banana go to the therapist? It was peeling under pressure.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in corn-ography.

Why can't skeletons play music in the band? They have no skin in the game.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding when push came to shove.

Why did the tomato turn red? It blushed because it was a little saucy.

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She didn't have the guts for their relationship.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding at scaring away the crows... and the neighbors.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She said, 'I'll hang on to that.'

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow too long? He became bone-chilled.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She deleted all her selfies.

Why don't ghosts like to go out in the rain without an umbrella? It dampens their spirits... literally.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wanted to go out in sunlight.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She replied, 'That's not what my lawyer said.'

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they always tell half-truths.

Why did the scarecrow go bankrupt? He was terrible at managing his stocks.

Why did the ghost go to the party? For the boos and spirits.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me with a knife.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was out standing in his field of work ethics.