I told my wife she should jog to stay in shape. Every time she sees me with the running shoes, she laughs until she wheezes.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-wheely tired.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do a handstand. He said, 'It'll be a stretch.'

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was truly outstanding.

Why did the scared pig run into the wall? It wanted to bacon against something.

I asked my friend why he carries a backpack everywhere. He said, 'To carry the weight of the world.'

I told my wife she should do pull-ups to build strength. She said, 'But I can barely pull an all-nighter.'

I asked my wife why she never roller skates. She said, 'I prefer smooth sailing.'

Why did the scarecrow refuse to eat? He was already stuffed.

I used to play piano by ear, now I play it by eye.

I told my wife she should do push-ups. She said, 'But I can barely push my luck.'

I told my wife she should do sit-ups. She said, 'But I can barely sit my butt down.'

I asked my friend why he carries a map. He said, 'To navigate through life's twists and turns.'

Why don't birds get upset when they're laid off? They always have a nest egg.

I asked my wife why she never showers with me. She said, 'I like to keep things clean.'

I asked my doctor if I should take up boxing. He said, 'I'm sure you'll be a knockout.'

I asked my wife why she never takes risks. She said, 'I prefer playing it safe.'

I told my wife she should do squats to tone her legs. She said, 'I prefer taking the elevator.'

Why did the scarecrow refuse to eat? He was stuffed.

I asked my friend why he carries a ladder. He said, 'To elevate my status.'

Why did the skeleton refuse to go to the party? He had no body to dance with.