I asked my wife why she never skydives. She said, 'I prefer to keep my feet on the ground.'

I told my wife she should do burpees for a full-body workout. She said, 'But I have a full body already.'

Why was the belt arrested? It held up under pressure.

I bet the butcher he couldn't reach the top shelf. He said, 'No, the stakes are too high.'

I told my therapist I have a fear of the unknown. He replied, 'Tell me about it.'

Why don't vampires use social media? They prefer to stay in the dark.

I told my wife she should do more squats. She said, 'That's a big step for me.'

I have a joke about chemistry, but I'm afraid it won't get a reaction.

Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard it was going to be 'boo'-ming.

I told my wife she should try skydiving. That way, she can really drop some weight.

I told my friend he should become a baker. He said, 'I donut think so.'

I told my wife she should be an elevator for Halloween. That way, she can really lift people's spirits.

I told my wife she should try boxing. She said, 'I'm not ready to throw in the towel.'

I asked my doctor if I should be concerned about my height. He said, 'That's a tall order.'

I told my wife she should practice archery. She said, 'I'm not ready to take a shot.'

I asked the gym instructor if he could help me do a handstand. He said, 'It's all in your head.'

I told my therapist about my fear of height. He told me the sky's the limit, but I guess he didn't get my point.

I called the suicide prevention hotline last night. They put me on hold.

I told my wife she should try cooking with herbs. Now she's in thyme out.

I have a dark sense of humor. I guess you could say it runs in my family.

I asked the devil for a hug, but he said he's too hot to handle.