I buried all my jokes in the pet cemetery. Now they're just dead puns.

Why did the burglar take a shower before robbing the house? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

I went to a séance to communicate with the dead. It was a real ghost scheme.

Why don't skeletons fight each other in the war? They don't have the guts.

I told my psychiatrist I'm having dreams of being a rabbit. He said I'm hopping mad.

I was a necrophiliac, but I broke up with my girlfriend. She just wasn't my type.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

I tried to start a career in origami, but it folded pretty quickly.

I brought a mirror to the park to reflect on my life choices. It shattered just like my dreams.

Why did the necrophiliac break up with his girlfriend? She was cold in bed.

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

I told my wife she should be more spontaneous. She packed her bags and left.

Why did the snail paint an 'S' on his car? So people would say, 'Look at that S-car-go!'

My Grandpa says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos.

I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only did I feel embarrassed, but it was also quite expensive.

What's black and white and red all over? A nun falling down the stairs.

I invited my girlfriend to go to the cemetery with me. She said she's dying to go.

Why do powder snowboarders always have good manners? They're always polite for the camera.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.