What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped and flushed.

Why did the dolphin blush? It saw the ocean's bottom.

What's the best way to watch a space movie? In 4-D.

Why was the math book so sad at the Halloween party? It had too many problems.

Why did the zombie skip school? He already knew he was dead from the neck up.

Why do mermaids wear seashells? They can't fit into B-shells.

Why did the werewolf open a bakery? He kneaded the dough.

Why did the coffin go to the party? Because it heard people were dying to get in.

Don't ever get into a fight with a vampire. They're a pain in the neck.

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She kept giving him the cold shoulder.

How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickling its funny bone.

Why did the triangle go to the party? To get some sine and cosine.

Did you hear about the injured vegetable? It's a little beet up.

Why did the scarecrow go to school? To get a little straw-neducation.

What does a cloud wear under his clothes? Thunderwear.

Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose.

What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Shamboo.

Why did the vampire get caught shoplifting? He was a sucker for a good deal.

Why did the constipated mathematician work it out with a pencil? He had to solve a number 2 problem.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing mind games with her. So I stopped giving her a brain.