Why did the pencil go to the party? It heard it was going to be a graphite time.

Why do elephants not use computers? They're afraid of the mouse.

I told my wife she should embrace her inner child. She threw a tantrum.

I told my psychiatrist I had a fear of the dark. He turned off the lights and left the room.

I asked the doctor to give me something for my wind problem. He gave me a kite.

I thought about getting a job at the graveyard, but the interview process was too dead.

My grandpa always said I had a twisted sense of humor. I told him it runs in the family.

I like to tell ghost stories at parties. It really helps keep the crowd dead silent.

I have a dark sense of humor because my life is already a joke.

Did you hear about the ghost who won an award? He was boo-tiful.

I'm so dark, even my shadow needs therapy.

People say I have skeletons in my closet. I tell them, 'At least they're there to keep my demons company.'

Why couldn't the ghost find a job? No one could see right through him.

I asked my therapist for advice on coping with my fears. He said, 'Just bury them deep down.'

My ex-girlfriend used to tell me I had a heart of stone. Jokes on her, I have a whole cemetery.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She was always a pain in the neck.

I told my parents I wanted to pursue a career in stand-up comedy. They said, 'Don't quit your day job.'

I accidentally stepped on a spider today. It's the closest thing I've had to a social life in weeks.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the cemetery? They woke up.

I tried to make a joke about the cemetery, but it died on me.

I used to have a fear of graveyards, but I got over it. Now I find them quite relaxing.